Doubt is a pesky thing that can come between you and your goals.
When I googled the word “doubt,” Wikipedia offered the following three examples, shown below, which I would like to unpack here. Consider where it shows up in your life.
Wikipedia told me this about doubt:
Doubt is a mental state in which the mind remains suspended between two or more contradictory propositions, unable to be certain of any of them.
I see it as wrestling with an either/or question like, “Should I or shouldn’t I?” Should I…. go for it, support this cause, invest in this, speak my mind, pursue that goal? Sound familiar? Decisions, decisions!
Doubt on an emotional level is indecision, between belief and disbelief. It may involve uncertainty, distrust or lack of conviction on certain facts, actions, motives, or decisions.
I feel uncomfortable, maybe I’m not ready. Do I have what it takes? Am I really the one to do this? I’m not sure I have what is needed. I’m not confident that I can do this. Emotionally, it can put you in a circular loop, spinning round and round, like that little graphic does when you try to download a big file.
Doubt can result in delaying or rejecting relevant action out of concern for mistakes or missed opportunities.
This example is the one that does the most damage, causing people to delay, hesitate and second-guess themselves. Worrying “what if I fail? What if I do it wrong? What if I’m misunderstood? What will they think of me? What if I make the wrong decision? What if I act too soon?” I’ve personally wasted more time and energy in this version of doubt.
All of these are time wasters that take a toll on us mentally, emotionally and physically. So, what’s the alternative? Let me share with you a story that ties all of this together.
One bitter cold day in February I was in Chicago on business, trying on a fur coat (It looked fabulous on me!) and debating whether or not to buy it. My first thought was, “I shouldn’t buy it, even though it had been on my goal list for years. It’s just not in the budget right now. But I should buy it because it’s marked down 70% as an end of season sale. I’m not from here, and if I don’t get it now, I never will.”
Well, I bought it and when I got home, I immediately started regretting my decision. Relaying this dilemma to my coach, she said; “Denise, let me get this straight. You bought a fur and you hate yourself for doing so. But if you didn’t buy it, you would hate yourself for passing up the opportunity, right?”
“Yes, that’s ‘right,” I replied.
“Well the way I see it is, you were going to hate yourself either way, so now you can hate yourself AND you have a fur!” she told me. She was SPOT ON!
So, when doubt pops up for you, instead of asking “Should I?” or “Shouldn’t I?,” ask yourself “HOW CAN I?”
What step can I take, even if I am uncertain?” Something will come to mind and then ACT ON IT. Make the decision. Send the email. Put yourself out there. And remember, you can always take corrective action if need be. Right? What do you think? What’s your “fur” story?
