For the last 10 years, I’ve been presenting a workshop called “The Art of Networking.” A fun, interactive session that shifts beliefs about what networking is and what it isn’t. In two short hours people who think they’re good at networking become better and people who would rather eat glass than network realize that they can do it.
But recently, I’ve begun to question the use of the word “networking” to describe what we do and here’s why.
When I googled the definition of Networking, here’s what I found: “The exchange of information or services among individuals or groups specifically for the cultivation of productive relationships for employment or business”
In this definition where is the focus? On you or the other person?
Networking seems to be positioned as a way of getting something – a referral, a lead, a meeting, a business card – rather than giving something.
Consider this. You and I meet at a networking event and within two minutes, you figure out that I don’t meet your profile and you don’t want to waste any more time with me. However, you DO meet my profile and I don’t want to let go of you. Has that ever happened to you?
I believe most networking is just a step above cold calling – very agenda-driven. Just about everyone is thinking “I’ve got to work the room and find leads,” there is “no time to waste,” and “if you don’t meet my profile then I must push off and keep moving.”
I don’t know about you, but I was taught that business development (or sales) meant to pass judgment (i.e. Do they meet my profile?), then pitch, and pursue. To many people, this was PUSHY. No wonder they didn’t like it!
Instead of “pitching” and looking for what you can get, what if you focused on connecting?
The Art Form of Connection
Meaningful networking is really about building relationships and truly connecting with other people. These days, I prefer to call it Connection and it’s done by learning about the other person, not pitching to them – getting in their world, finding out about them, what they are up to, and where they may be looking for help. Then, it’s about seeing if you can help them or if you can steer them to someone you know that can. It’s about Connection.
As Brene Brown in her book Daring Greatly says, “Connection is the energy that is created between people when they feel seen, heard, and valued: when they can give and receive without judgement.”
Networks and connections are formed when people become linked to each and feel “seen, heard and valued without judgement.”
The Old Way vs. The New Way
So why doesn’t “Networking”, as we described it earlier, look like Connection?
To figure this out, we asked our audiences to describe and categorize their networking experiences as good, bad or ugly.
Here is what they told us:
A good networking experience was: “I got a lead!”
A bad networking experience was: “I didn’t get a lead” or “There weren’t any good prospects there for me.”
An ugly experience was: “I got stuck talking to a chatty person who didn’t fit my customer profile at all!” and “It was a total waste of my time.”
Does that sound anything like connecting with another person, or like someone feeling “seen, heard and valued, without judgement”? Doesn’t it feel incredibly uncomfortable walking into a room where everyone is there to advance their own agendas?
What if?
What if your intention was to learn more about them? To see how you can help them? What if the next person you meet, your focus was to listen for what they’re up to and for ways you can help them? And what if you had no expectation of getting anything in return?
In my own personal experience, anytime I ever went to an event in search of business, I walked away disappointed. Every time I went to an event willing to be of service, I walked away with leads.
